


To be his Hands

by Stariceling



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Dubious Consent, Hand Jobs, M/M, On Hiatus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-06-05
Updated: 2010-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-06 01:52:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stariceling/pseuds/Stariceling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tsuna injures his hands Gokuedera is set on doing everything for him, but Gokudera takes his devotion a little too far.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A "no-no, yes-yes" type of fic. If it's not your kink, please skip this one. I'll try to write more (and better) fic for this pairing too someday.
> 
> I love these two so stupidly much. I really want to write something with more mature/in charge Tsuna too.

“Juudaimei, say ‘ah.’”

Tsuna felt his cheeks heat with embarrassment as Gokudera’s chopsticks nudged against his lower lip. It was bad enough that his friend had insisted on feeding him, but there was no reason for him to fuss like this. He had given up his seat in favor of kneeling at Tsuna’s side, all but leaning against him. If Tsuna had thought Gokudera stuck close to his side normally, it was nothing compared to the way he’d been acting today.

Reluctantly, Tsuna opened his mouth and let himself be fed a bite of curry. He reached for his water glass, only to have Gokudera anticipate his movement and snatch it up before he could touch it.

“Allow me, Juudaimei!”

“No, no, that’s fine!” Tsuna held up his bandaged hands to fend Gokudera off. He’d already choked on his own drink at lunch when Gokudera got distracted arguing with Yamamoto and tried to pour the whole thing down his throat at once.

“I am going to be your hands until you are healed,” Gokudera declared, completely ignoring Tsuna’s protests.

“You don’t have to. . .” It felt like the hundredth time he’d said that, and Gokudera still wasn’t listening.

Tsuna’s hands weren’t so badly burned that he couldn’t have taken care of himself, but Gokudera wouldn’t let him. Maybe he was feeling guilty because it had been one of his explosives that had injured Tsuna by going off in his hands. Maybe it was just that his habit of clinging to Tsuna had gotten worse lately. Whatever the reason, Gokudera had taken it upon himself to keep Tsuna from using his hands for anything. He seemed to be convinced he could help Tsuna heal faster that way.

He couldn’t bring himself to be too irritated with Gokudera-kun. Mostly, Tsuna found himself thinking wistfully of a life that had not included games of hot potato involving explosives.

“There you are,” Gokudera soothed.

With unaccustomed gentleness, Gokudera pressed the rim of his glass to his lips and tipped a sip of water into his mouth. At least he’d apparently learned something from their experience this afternoon. He somehow managed to anticipate what Tsuna wanted next, all the time keeping up his usual enthusiastic tirade.

“It’s so nice to have your friend over for dinner, isn’t it?” Was all Tsuna’s mom had to say about the situation. She didn’t seem to notice Tsuna’s embarrassment over the unusual arrangement.

“It’s an important step to have this sort of close relationship with your family,” Reborn agreed.

“How is this good!?” Tsuna started to argue, only to be interrupted by having more food pressed against his mouth.

“‘Ah,’ Juudaimei.”

“You’re all ignoring me,” Tsuna cried around his mouthful of dinner.

There was no way he would believe there was anything normal about having his friend hanging on him like this. Gokudera was taking this too far, trying to do things like unfasten Tsuna’s pants for him when he went to the bathroom. Besides, Reborn was obviously taking advantage of Gokudera’s preoccupation to steadily empty his plate.

It would have been embarrassing enough getting so much attention from a girl, let alone from his male friend. Tsuna didn’t give Gokudera a chance to serve him seconds, jumping up and away from the table before Gokudera could wipe his mouth for him.

“I’m going to go do my homework!”

“Tsu-kun, you’re full already?”

“Y-yeah.”

“I’ll help you!”

“No, no, no! I’ll be fine. You stay and finish your dinner, Gokudera-kun!”

Of course Gokudera didn’t even look at his plate, now picked clean thanks to Reborn. He jumped up, obviously unwilling to let Tsuna out of his sight.

“I swore I was going to be your hands!”

“I said I’m fine!”

Tsuna bolted, but of course Gokudera-kun had to chase him. It wasn’t a surprise when Gokudera caught up to him in front of his room, or grabbed him back against his chest to prevent him from opening his own door. Tsuna wasn’t surprised by the firm way Gokudera held him, either. It was a position he’d found himself in more times than he wanted to count today.

It wasn’t even a surprise when Gokudera opened the door, beamed down at him and said, “Here, Juudaimei,” as if he was completely unaware that Tsuna had tried to run from him.

“Thanks,” Tsuna sighed in defeat.

Gokudera continued to fuss over Tsuna, fetching his books and homework for him and spreading them out on the table, turning to the right pages in the book before Tsuna could so much as lift a hand to do it himself. He knelt close to Tsuna, practically leaning against his side, holding a pencil ready over Tsuna’s math homework.

Tsuna couldn’t bring himself to get mad at Gokudera, no matter how much his friend embarrassed him. He was only trying to help, after all. On some level it felt nice to have someone care so much, but embarrassment at the way Gokudera chose to show that he cared made Tsuna quash that feeling.

“Um. . . If I turn this in with your handwriting, the teacher’s going to think I made you do it for me.”

“That’s ridiculous! This is so easy, I’m sure you’ll know the answers at a glance.”

“This is easy?” Tsuna could feel himself sweating just looking at the problems. “I don’t have any idea how-”

“It’s easy. You just use this formula.”

Gokudera jotted an equation down on a piece of scratch paper. Tsuna could see where he had picked it out of the text, but he couldn’t see how it applied to the algebra problem he was supposed to be working on.

“So, this is ‘x’?” Tsuna guessed, pointing to one of the numbers in the problem at random, trying to guess how it fit the formula.

“Not exactly.”

Gokudera looked embarrassed by his mistake, and Tsuna felt himself flush in empathy. The fact that Gokudera seemed unwilling to believe that he could ever do wrong only made it that much worse when he failed. He still wasn’t used to having someone look at him with that kind of expectant adoration.

Tsuna jumped as Gokudera wrapped one arm around his waist and shifted him closer, as if the only problem must be that Tsuna couldn’t see the formula clearly. Being half-hugged by his friend only made it more difficult to concentrate on what he was supposed to be doing.

“So this must be it?”

“Well, no. . . .”

Gokudera’s hand clenched hard on Tsuna’s hip. He didn’t even seem to notice when Tsuna tried to squirm away from his grip.

“Obviously this book doesn’t go into enough detail. You’ll understand once I show you how this formula is derived.”

“I don’t think that’s the problem. . .”

Gokudera didn’t seem to hear him. He was already busy explaining theories that went well over Tsuna’s head. Even if Tsuna had recognized the scrawl of formulas Gokudera was adding to his scratch paper, he didn’t think he would have been able to follow what his friend was saying.

As he extrapolated on his explanations, Gokudera kept clenching and unclenching his hand on Tsuna’s hip. The rough feeling of his friend’s hand on his hip didn’t bother Tsuna, but each time Gokudera clenched his hand, he was pulling on a handful of Tsuna’s trousers, making them bunch up uncomfortably tight on him.

With each pull Gokudera made, Tsuna’s pants bunched up and made a tight band between his legs, rubbing against his penis. It wasn’t the insistent pressure that was the problem, but the friction from the way Gokudera kept clenching and then releasing him. Trying to squirm away only made the problem worse.

“Are you still following this?”

“Ah. . .” Tsuna gasped. He wasn’t sure if he was agreeing or protesting.

The way it felt, Gokudera might as well have put his hand in Tsuna’s lap and started fondling him outright. What had started off as uncomfortable was starting to feel good. It wasn’t just that slow, deliberate rub and release of pressure affecting him. Tsuna found himself unreasonably aware of the way his friend was pressed against his side, still oblivious to his condition.

Tsuna stared at the paper without really seeing it. He was more concerned with the fact that he couldn’t seem to find a position that didn’t allow that torturous pressure. He couldn’t pretend it was only Gokudera’s fault that his pants were feeling too tight now. If Tsuna hadn’t felt so paralyzed, he might have continued to squirm, and not in an attempt to escape the effects of Gokudera pulling on him.

Suddenly Gokudera’s hand unclenched to lie innocently against Tsuna’s hip. It was too late for Tsuna’s dignity. He was already half-hard from the unexpected friction.

“Juudaimei,” Gokudera called.

Tsuna jerked in surprise and snatched both of his bandaged hands into his lap to cover himself. Gokudera must have noticed what was happening to him. There was no way Tsuna should have had such a perverted reaction while pressed this close to his friend. There was no way. . . shit. This must look so bad. Gokudera would never look a him the same way again.

Yet when Tsuna dared to glance up, Gokudera was looking at him the same way he always did, smiling.

“You understand now, right?”

“Uh. . .”

Tsuna had lost what Gokudera was saying right at the beginning. Now he wasn’t sure he knew what subject they were supposed to be studying.

“Are you feeling well?” Gokudera leaned closer, dropping the pencil to put one hand to Tsuna’s forehead. Under any other circumstances it might have felt like an innocent gesture, but now. . .

“I have to go to the bathroom!”

Tsuna jumped up, still covering himself. If Gokudera didn’t know what was wrong, he didn’t want him to know.

“I’ll help you,” Gokudera answered automatically.

“No, no, no, no! Just stay here!”

“There’s no need to be embarrassed, Juudaimei. I’ve promised to be your hands, so I’ll do everything for you.”

“I don’t want you to do this!”

Even though he should have known better, Tsuna tried to make a dash for the bathroom. Gokudera caught him just as he got inside and Tsuna froze, afraid that if he tried to wriggle away Gokudera would feel what he was trying to hide.

“You shouldn’t be trying to handle the zipper on your own, at least,” Gokudera said, reaching for it.

“Hieeee!” Tsuna squealed in panic, dodging his friend’s hand. “I’m going to take a bath, so go away!”

That finally made Gokudera blush, which only made the situation look worse in Tsuna’s mind. Yet he still didn’t let it go. Instead he closed the door behind them with his foot, moving to unbutton Tsuna’s shirt.

“I told you there is nothing to be embarrassed about. If I’m going to be your hands I should be able to wash you without causing you discomfort.”

“If you don’t want to cause me discomfort, then get out and let me do it myself!”

Tsuna tried to scramble away as he said it, only to have his socks slip on the tile floor. For a second Tsuna felt weightless, falling helplessly backwards.

Then, with a panicked cry of ‘Juudaimei!’ Gokudera dove at him. Tsuna felt himself caught up firmly in Gokudera’s arms. Somehow Gokudera twisted them both around so that he was the one to fall on the hard floor, with Tsuna landing sprawled on top of him.

For one long, awkward moment Gokudera was silent. There was no way he couldn’t feel Tsuna’s hard-on, not with the way they were laying. All Tsuna could think was that he’d much rather have cracked his head on the floor than have to die of embarrassment like this.

When Tsuna tried to at least get up, Gokudera was again faster, putting one hand on Tsuna’s backside and pulling him back down. The next thing Tsuna knew he was being held flush against his friend, unable to hide anything.

“Juudaimei. . . Don’t worry. I’ll take care of this too.”

Tsuna tried again to shove himself away, and this time Gokudera helped him to sit up, though it seemed he was doing it more to keep Tsuna from using his hands than to give him a chance to escape. He still didn’t let go. Worse, one hand slipped down to the front of Tsuna’s trousers, feeling for the zipper.

“You don’t have to do that!”

“I want to,” Gokudera breathed. “Please let me do this for you.”

Tsuna felt as if his face was on fire. He couldn’t do more than squeak in protest.

“Let me be your hands, just for today.” Gokudera’s hand was between Tsuna’s legs, feeling him through his pants. Tsuna arched in surprise, which only led to him pushing into Gokudera’s hand.

“It’s no different than doing it with your own hands, right?” Gokudera soothed. He was unfastening Tsuna’s pants now, his firm hand sliding inside.

“But I don’t. . .” Tsuna’s protest turned into a helpless squeak as Gokudera’s hand closed around him.

“Am I doing it wrong?”

Tsuna shook his head. He wasn’t used to this. He was never alone anymore, even in his own house. How was he supposed to touch himself if he was never left alone?

Gokudera was answering that far too well. He had Tsuna from half-hard to a complete erection in less than a minute. He lifted Tsuna just long enough to slide his pants down, then pulled him back into his lap.

Biting down on his lips to keep from crying out, Tsuna squirmed in Gokudera’s lap. The slow, firm strokes of Gokudera’s hand were making it difficult to think. He should have been ready to die from shame, he shouldn’t be letting his friend do this to him, but his embarrassment didn’t keep him from pushing unthinkingly into the hand pleasuring him.

“Don’t,” Gokudera murmured against his ear.

Tsuna had no idea what Gokudera was talking about, but he didn’t think he could stop whatever it was anyway. Gokudera’s free hand brushed his lips, then firm fingers pried his mouth open and pushed inside, fingertips brushing Tsuna’s tongue.

“If you have to bite, then bite me.”

Tsuna groaned in his throat. He didn’t mean to bite down on his friend’s fingers but he guessed by the gasp Gokudera made against his ear that he had. He had forgotten about protesting. Gokudera was doing everything to make it easy to accept. His touch was soothing, slow, not teasing Tsuna or making him work for it.

This was nothing like touching himself. The difference wasn’t just Gokudera’s firm touch, but the heat of his body practically wrapped around Tsuna, and the feeling that Gokudera was aroused as well, probably in response to Tsuna squirming on his lap. Tsuna wanted to melt into the heat surrounding him, but at the same time he knew he should be trying to escape the arousal pressing against his backside. In the end he couldn’t seem to do anything at all.

“Juudaimei,” Gokudera moaned, his breath ghosting hot just below Tsuna’s ear.

Tsuna didn’t answer. He didn’t want to think about the fact that it was his friend doing this for him. He squeezed his eyes shut, biting down on the fingers in his mouth as he came.

Something warm and soft brushed his neck, just below his ear. Tsuna tried not to think about it.

Tsuna collapsed back against Gokudera’s chest, panting helplessly. The fingers slid out of his mouth, at the same time the hand that had been stroking Tsuna slowly released him. Only now did it occur to Tsuna to wonder what Gokudera really thought of him, and not just in the way he had ended up getting shamefully aroused in front of him. Had he come too easily under Gokudera’s hand? Should he have tried to hold out? Was he supposed to return the favor?

As Tsuna’s mind spun in impossible circles, Gokudera was busy getting his clothes the rest of the way off. Tsuna was too distracted to even murmur in protest.

The next thing Tsuna knew he felt a damp cloth being dragged across his chest. He opened his eyes to find himself being washed by the same steady hands that had just been jacking him off. For the moment Tsuna felt too drained to make the attempt to wash himself, and Gokudera seemed determined to take advantage of that fact.

“I could do it myself,” Tsuna finally tried to protest, when Gokudera made a point of washing even his penis, his hands unexpectedly gentle now.

Gokudera didn’t even repeat his insistence on being Tsuna’s hands this time. He seemed to be a little short on breath. His face was flushed, and when he moved Tsuna could tell that he was still hard. He was also still wearing all of his clothes. He hadn’t even moved to unzip yet.

Before Tsuna had properly regained his senses, Gokudera had finished washing him. He turned to find his friend gripping the washcloth almost tight enough to tear it in half, apparently unable to meet his eyes. Tsuna felt his face flush again. If anyone should be embarrassed about what had just happened, it should be him.

“Are you ready to go in the bath?”

“Ah. . .”

Tsuna looked down at the front of Gokudera’s pants and swallowed hard. Even if he felt confident enough to offer to return the favor, Gokudera wouldn’t let him use his hands right now anyway.

“Please try to keep your hands above the water,” Gokudera instructed.

Gokudera scooped Tsuna up in his arms and then gently lowered him into the bath. Tsuna felt as if he should be more uncomfortable than he was, having Gokudera’s face so close to his as he was settled in the warm water.

“Gokudera-kun,” Tsuna looked up hesitantly at his friend’s face, be he felt he had to say it, “You should take care of yourself too.”

Almost instantly, Gokudera’s face was so red that Tsuna worried he would burst a blood vessel. He stood up suddenly, slipped on the wet floor, and went sprawling about as gracefully as Tsuna might have.

“Are you all right?” Tsuna started to get up, but he couldn’t push himself up without putting his hands on the edge of the tub and giving his friend another reason to panic.

“Fine! I’m fine, Juudaimei! I am very touched by your concern!” Gokudera’s voice was unnaturally loud, making Tsuna wince.

“It’s okay. I won’t watch or anything. . . .”

“Oh-okay.”

Tsuna looked down at his hands instead, at the bandages that Gokureda had wrapped so painstakingly for him that morning. They had stayed clean and dry, thanks to his friend’s efforts. He had been embarrassed and annoyed and even a little pleased by the attention, but now he had no idea what to feel.

He could hear sounds of Gokudera undressing, running water, and finally a subdued splashing. Tsuna didn’t know what exactly he expected to hear from Gokudera taking care of himself, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t that.

After a few minutes Tsuna sneaked a peek. Gokudera’s back was to him, and he was completely nude now, kneeling on the bathroom floor. Tsuna couldn’t help looking him over in that minute though he knew he’d be berating himself for hours later for studying the curve of his friend’s backside and the way the tense muscles in his shoulders and back stood out.

Gokudera had the tap running. As Tsuna watched he picked up the bucket he’d been filling and doused himself as if rinsing off. Cold water, Tsuna guessed. He was completely tense, and that was probably the only thing keeping him from shivering. Tsuna could see the goose bumps standing out on his bare skin.

He was improvising a cold shower. Tsuna gulped a few times, but didn’t look up again. He wasn’t going to tell Gokudera how he should take care of himself, but it felt wrong after what Gokudera had done for him.

After a moment he heard Gokudera moving around again. He got dressed again and left the bathroom, leaving Tsuna feeling faintly empty.

Eventually Gokudera came back to lift Tsuna out of the bath, towel him off and help him get dressed in his pajamas. He’d brought up a glass of milk from the kitchen, which he helped Tsuna drink, sitting next to him on his bed. Somehow Tsuna still didn’t think that being doted over like this should be normal for anyone, no matter how much his life had been turned upside down in the past few months.

“Juudaimei, please allow me to be at your side in case you need anything.”

“But that’s. . .” Tsuna bit off his protest at the hopeful look on Gokudera’s face. He wasn’t going to win this. He had been losing this fight all day and now he was completely drained.

“Mom said all the guest futons are being used right now.”

“That doesn’t matter. I’ll sleep right here.”

“You are not sleeping on the floor.”

Tsuna sighed and hung his head. He had a feeling he should be fighting this more than he was. Between the hot bath and. . . what had happened before that, Tsuna felt just a little boneless. It was impossible to get worked up. Besides, instead of wanting to insist that Gokudera not touch him for a while, or that he just go home, Tsuna was becoming worried that Gokudera wasn’t taking care of himself properly.

“First of all, you can’t sleep in your damp clothes. You’re going to borrow some of my pajamas, and you’re going to share my bed, okay? Just don’t-”

“Juudaimei!” The starry-eyed look of adoration Gokudera gave him almost made Tsuna rethink his decision right there.

“ _Don’t_ , okay?” Tsuna held up his hands in a useless warding gesture. “You can’t just focus on looking out for me. You should also take care of yourself.”

Tsuna didn’t think Gokudera heard him. The fact that Gokudera had ignored not getting dinner, that he had refused to pleasure himself once Tsuna was finished. . . Tsuna felt it was something Gokudera needed to hear but he wasn’t sure how to make him listen. Besides, Gokudera was completely distracted by selecting a pair of Tsuna’s pajamas at that moment.

When Gokudera climbed into his bed, Tsuna put himself on the far edge, trying to avoid any accidental touches. The feeling that Gokudera should take care of himself was warring with his resurfacing embarrassment from everything that had happened.

“Can we pretend none of this ever happened?” Tsuna requested. “I mean, just forget all of it, okay? That really shouldn’t have happened.”

It wasn’t the way Gokudera had been fussing over him all day that he wanted to forget. It wasn’t even the shameful way Gokudera had taken care of him in the bathroom, or the way Tsuna had let himself enjoy it. The thing that really scared Tsuna was the feeling of lips ghosting over his neck as he came.

All the rest he could pretend was just Gokudera getting a little more carried away than usual. Tsuna was a champion of wishful thinking, after all. It was that almost-kiss that itched at the back of Tsuna’s mind, making him uneasy. . . making it impossible not to suspect that what had happened tonight might turn into something else.

Gokudera squeezed his eyes shut. For a moment his face was tight and closed, and Tsuna lifted his head a little, worried, because it looked like his friend was in pain. It was only a moment before Gokudera opened his eyes again and whispered his answer.

“As you wish, Juudaimei.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't seem to translate Reborn's 'voice' very well into my writing. He has this lazy rhythm to his speech that I just can't seem to capture in text. I do think Gokudera's way of speaking transcribes pretty well. I suppose I should apologize for fangirl Japanese but honestly it just 'sounds' wrong not having Gokudera go "Juudaimei!"
> 
> Sorry this fic is stalled for now. I hope you can enjoy the first two chapters, anyway. I just think it's either going to be a giant plotty clusterfuck or a bad end. I'm sorry. Maybe I'll write some happy-fluffy-honeymoon-y fic for them so I don't have to feel so bad about breaking this one...

Tsuna woke slowly, feeling warm and comfortable. He tried to roll into the warm spot at his side, only to find there was something solid there. Undeterred, Tsuna pressed against the warmth without even bothering to open his eyes.

A faint scent was tugging on the edge of Tsuna’s consciousness, catching his attention. He’d always thought that smell must be gunpowder, or some kind of explosive, because it was the scent that always clung to Gokudera. . .

“Gokudera-kun?” Tsuna murmured in confusion.

He opened his eyes to find that the warmth he had been nestled against was his friend’s body. Gokudera was still sleeping quietly, one arm draped protectively across Tsuna’s waist.

It didn’t occur to Tsuna to panic about the fact that Gokudera had somehow ended up in his bed. He found himself lazily noting that his pajamas didn’t fit Gokudera very well. They were too short in the arms and stretched taunt across his chest. For a few minutes Tsuna was preoccupied by the lazy thought that Gokudera looked good, even in ill-fitting clothes.

Then he found himself wondering why, exactly, Gokudera was wearing his pajamas. Let alone sleeping next to him in his bed.

Then everything came flooding back to him all in a rush. Not just lending Gokudera pajamas and trying to keep him from sleeping on the floor, but what had happened in the bathroom last night. The feeling of Gokudera’s hands on him, the helpless pleasure that had completely drowned out the knowledge that he shouldn’t let his friend touch him like that, and the sight of Gokudera’s back as he doused himself in cold water rather than touch himself in front of Tsuna.

“Hieee!” Tsuna squealed in alarm.

In an unthinking panic, Tsuna managed to shove himself up and scramble back against the wall. Gokudera’s arm was draped across his legs now, and he didn’t so much as stir in spite of the noise Tsuna had just made in his ear.

Good. Tsuna took deep breaths, on the verge of hyperventilating, as he tried to calm down. That had just been a one-time thing. There was no reason he should be panicking as if his friend would do something in retaliation, like return the bites Tsuna had given his hand last night. He’d asked Gokudera to forget about it so it should be forgotten by now, right?

“You still have a lot of growing up to do, no-good Tsuna.”

“Eh?”

Tsuna looked up to find Reborn was already awake, watching him calmly. He felt sweat breaking out on his face. Of course the fact that he had let Gokudera sleep in his bed would be discovered, but that wasn’t the thing that Tsuna wanted to hide right now.

“Wh-what are you scolding me about now?” Tsuna burst out, “I was just startled, that’s all! Of course I’m not bothered by Gokudera-kun sleeping over!”

“I already told you I can read your mind.”

“No way! There’s nothing to read! Absolutely nothing happened! Gokudera-kun just spent the night as a concerned friend, that’s all!”

Tsuna was flailing by the time he finished, so that he nearly missed Leon in Reborn’s hand, shifting into a gun.

“Well then, if no-good Tsuna wants to pretend nothing happened, why don’t you do something about it?”

“Eh!?”

“With your dying will.”

Tsuna yelped and tried to duck, knowing what was coming next. He didn’t know if he wanted to throttle Gokudera and make him swear to never touch him like that again, or make Gokudera accept the same favor he had given last night. . . either way it was absolutely unacceptable that he do anything drastic to his friend just because of some insane regret.

Just as Reborn shot, Gokudera sat up. His mouth was tensed in that same painful grimace he wore whenever he thought he’d done something wrong. Time stood still, and Tsuna’s mind went blank. He really didn’t want to do anything to his friend.

Then, so slowly Tsuna could hardly believe he was watching it happen, Gokudera collapsed forward. It felt like hours before Tsuna could process the fact that Gokudera had taken the bullet instead of him.

“Gokudera-kun. . . Gokudera-kun!”

Tsuna’s head snapped up, his hands shaking as he held them over Gokudera, afraid to touch.

“You shot him!”

Reborn used his gun to push up the brim of his hat, looking entirely too calm. “You can thank me later.”

“I’m not going to thank you at all!” Tsuna frantically ran his fingers over the back of Gokudera’s head, feeling for a wound. “Hang in there, Gokudera-kun!”

Gokudera shifted restlessly. His borrowed pajamas seemed to dissolve at the seams, falling away as he sat up. A bright flame was burning in the center of his forehead.

“You’re alive! I’m so glad.” Tsuna hugged Gokudera without thinking about anything but his own relief.

“Juudaimei. . .”

Tsuna jumped a little as Gokudera’s arms wrapped firmly around him in return. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that Gokudera was naked.

“With my dying will. . .”

“Eh?” Tsuna tried to let go, but Gokudera only clasped him tighter. The quiet intensity in his voice made prickles go up and down the back of Tsuna’s neck.

“. . . I will please you!”

“Wha!?”

Tsuna stared, not comprehending. Gokudera’s face was so close that he could feel the heat from the flame on his forehead.

Even when Tsuna tried to squirm away, Gokudera held them pressed together with one arm. He was doing something with his other arm behind Tsuna’s back, but Tsuna didn’t really pay attention to that until Gokudera pushed him down on his bed.

His pillow had been fluffed up and his blankets arranged so that Tsuna found himself lying in a comfortable hollow with Gokudera right on top of him, pining him with his gaze as much as his hands. The flame on his forehead was no match for the intensity burning behind his eyes.

“I’ll leave the rest up to you.”

“Reborn!” Tsuna lifted his head in time to see the tiny hitman trotting out of the room. “What did you do? Make him stop!”

“If you’re not down in five minutes I’ll eat your breakfast.”

“Don’t change the subject!”

Gokudera put one hand on Tsuna’s face and turned his head so that they were eye-to-eye. Tsuna felt his breath catch, and suddenly he felt as if he couldn’t move. He was sure that if he’d tried Gokudera would have only pursued him until their eyes met again.

“Please don’t look away from me, Juudaimei.”

“Ah, okay. Can you just stay there for five minutes?”

“I’ll stay here forever, as long as you want me to.”

Tsuna let out a small sigh of relief. Gokudera actually wasn’t that different from normal. He was more focused, and somehow his gaze was more intense than before, but he was still the same person. Maybe because Gokudera was already so intense that his dying will had nothing on his usual enthusiasm.

Of course, Tsuna relaxed too soon. The next thing he knew Gokudera was closing in on him, his nose brushing against Tsuna’s nose. His mouth was suddenly much too close to Tsuna’s mouth.

“Hieee! Don’t bite me!”

Gokudera didn’t bite. He pressed his mouth against Tsuna’s, sealing their lips together. The firm heat of that touch seemed to shock Tsuna’s brain into a standstill.

Everything went dark, and it took Tsuna a moment to realize he had let his eyes slide closed. He could feel Gokudera moving, their lips sliding together when he shifted even the tiniest bit. Even that slight friction was enough to make it impossible to think.

The feeling of Gokudera kissing him seemed to go on forever. All Tsuna could pay attention to was the firm heat of that kiss. When Gokudera’s mouth suddenly lifted away from his, the air felt cold on Tsuna’s exposed lips.

No more kisses were pressed onto him. Tsuna reluctantly opened his eyes. At this point he wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t dreaming. Gokudera was right over him, the dying will flame still burning on his forehead.

“It hasn’t even been five minutes?”

Tsuna felt dizzy and dazed and warm all over. He was sure Gokudera had been kissing him for much longer than five minutes.

Gokudera braced one arm over Tsuna’s head, leaning close on top of him. His other palm was still cupped against Tsuna’s cheek to keep him from turning away. He needn’t have bothered to hold him still. Tsuna felt paralyzed.

“If you say so, Juudaimei. I’ll continue.”

Tsuna opened his mouth to protest just as Gokudera pressed a second kiss to his lips. He felt Gokudera’s mouth open against his in response, deepening the contact beyond the first kiss they had just shared.

Tsuna tried to put his hands on Gokudera’s chest, only to have him sit up, breaking their kiss. He grabbed Tsuna’s wrists and pushed his arms down.

“Your hands.”

Tsuna had completely forgotten about that. His hands hadn’t hurt when he touched Gokudera earlier.

“Ah-nn,” was all Tsuna managed when he tried to tell Gokudera that his hands were fine.

“J-Ju-Juudaimei. . .”

The dying will flame on Gokudera’s forehead flickered and died out. He slowly released Tsuna’s wrists and sat up a little more. He was breathing hard, looking about as dazed as Tsuna felt.

“Gokudera-kun,” Tsuna started, not sure what he was going to say until it came out. “You’re done now, right?”

“I. . . Juudaimei. . .”

“Hiee!” Tsuna put his hands over his face in alarm. Gokudera couldn’t kiss him again now that he had regained his senses. If he did that now things really never would be the same.

“Please excuse me! Juudaimei!” Gokudera scrambled down to the foot of the bed, bracing his hands and bowing so that his forehead hit Tsuna’s shin. “I don’t even deserve to beg for your forgiveness!”

“That’s a little too much.”

Somehow having Gokudera get so worked up like that made Tsuna feel that they had regained a hint of normalcy. This was how he always was when apologizing for things that hadn’t upset Tsuna at all. Having Gokudera apologize to him in such a loud way broke the intense intimacy of being held down and kissed by him.

Tsuna sat up, tucking his legs up so Gokudera couldn’t hit them with his head. He tried not to stare at Gokudera’s nudity. If he hadn’t been sitting on his blankets he could have at least thrown them over Gokudera to cover him.

“No, it can’t possibly be enough. Because I. . . I took such a liberty.” Gokudera clenched his hands on Tsuna’s sheets and bowed until his forehead was pressed to the bed. “Please punish me until you are satisfied!”

“I’ll pass!” Tsuna held up both hands as if to ward off Gokudera’s offer. “Instead of that, could you please put on some clothes? This looks kind of bad.”

“Clothes? But I. . .”

Gokudera looked down at himself as he spoke, and only then seemed to notice that he was naked. He yelped and scrambled off of the bed, grabbing for the pile of clothes he had left folded on Tsuna’s floor the night before.

Tsuna found himself treated to a perfect view of his friend’s backside as Gokudera straightened up to pull his boxers on. He wouldn’t have been surprised to find out his own dying will flame had suddenly started up on his cheeks, his face felt so hot.

Resting his chin on his knees, Tsuna tried to look anywhere but at Gokudera’s body. There suddenly didn’t seem to be anything else in the room to look at. His gaze kept straying back.

Without consciously intending to, Tsuna was aware that he was tracing his eyes over Gokkudera again, as if committing him to memory. The hard curves of his calves and the tight muscles in his thighs were covered when he pulled on his jeans from the day before, and Tsuna’s attention shifted upward. Gokudera’s back was a masterpiece of lean muscle, and there was an innate confidence in the way he straightened his spine.

Tsuna’s gaze rose all the way to the graceful tilt of Gokudera’s neck, his profile. . . it was only then that Tsuna realized that Gokudera was watching Tsuna study him. He obviously wasn’t angry at being stared at, but the open curiosity in his expression scared Tsuna more than if he had been furious.

“Sorry!” Tsuna blurted out. “Sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to look!”

He was about to add something, some excuse like that he’d just looked up to see if Gokudera was done. He couldn’t seem to let out so much as a squeak when Gokudera dropped his shirt and approached. Tsuna felt his face burn hot again. He didn’t want to fix his eyes on Gokudera’s bare chest, but it was better than looking up and meeting his eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, Juudaimei.” Gokudera reached out, but hesitated and stopped shy of actually touching Tsuna. “Even if it’s shameful, or painful. I wouldn’t refuse you anything.”

“That doesn’t exactly make me feel better,” Tsuna mumbled in an undertone. He honestly expected Gokudera to ignore the comment, especially because it was the same tone he always ended up using to say, ‘You don’t have to,’ when Gokudera was set on something crazy.

“Then how can I make you feel better!?” Gokudera crouched so that they were nose-to-nose, and his stern sincerity startled Tsuna. “Please tell me what you want me to do.”

“Iya. . .” Tsuna leaned back a little, only to have Gokudera follow. The intensity in Gokudera’s eyes was making him sweat nervously. “It’s not that you need to do something for me.”

“Should I leave?” Gokudera clenched his hands in the sheets on either side of Tsuna’s legs. His intensity was starting to scare Tsuna, even though he was almost entirely sure Gokudera wasn’t about to lash out at him. “If Juudaimei doesn’t have any use for me, there’s nothing for me.”

Tsuna didn’t like that statement one bit. The persistent implication that Gokudera was so devoted to him that there was nothing else to make life worth living. . . No, it wasn’t even Tsuna himself Gokudera-kun was devoted to, but the idea of the tenth Vongolla boss. That stung. Gokudera had been kissing him, but he wasn’t even thinking about Tsuna, was he? He was still focused on some impossible ideal.

“Stop saying things like that. There has to be something you’re interested in that has nothing to do with the mafia.”

“Juudaimei,” Gokudera gasped. He looked down, but it did nothing to hide the blush spreading across his face or his sheepish smile at being asked. “Ah, well. . . Of course you knew.” He fidgeted, shyly avoiding looking right at Tsuna, but no matter how embarrassed he looked he was obviously pleased. “I didn’t want to trouble you.”

“Quit worrying about that,” Tsuna encouraged. He had no idea what Gokudera expected him to know, but that was so normal that he didn’t focus on it. “I told you last night that you need to take better care of yourself, remember?”

“Well. . .” Gokudera’s face was bright red now, and Tsuna belatedly remembered telling him to forget everything. He guessed Gokudera was torn between that order and this bit of encouragement.

“I’ll say it as many times as I need to. You need to take care of yourself, Gokudera-kun.”

“Hah. . .” That soft breath sounded like a revelation, though Tsuna wasn’t sure what specifically it was. He only smiled encouragingly when Gokudera finally added, “I understand. Thank you, Juudaimei!”

Gokudera looked so happy, Tsuna felt his own smile grow in response. Even when Gokudera threw both arms around him in an enthusiastic hug, Tsuna thought it was cute for him to get so excited about it. As if Tsuna hadn’t been saying the same things for as long as they had been friends.

Tsuna even returned the hug. He tried shyly putting one arm around Gokudera’s shoulders, only to have Gokudera catch his wrist, draw his hand down again, and kiss the back of it. His grip shifted to Tsuna’s hand, his lips to the back of Tsuna’s wrist, soft and sure and undeniable.

A squeak of protest stuck in Tsuna’s throat. This was what he had been encouraging? He had mostly convinced himself that Gokudera’s unusual affections were out of some misplaced obsession with being right hand to a mafia boss. So why should he continue now?

Distantly, Tsuna found himself thinking that Gokudera had his own odd sense of romance. Even when he was possessed by the dying will he had made a comfortable space to lie Tsuna in before pouncing on him. Now he was making a point of laying cool kisses on his hand and wrist before lifting his head to seek out Tsuna’s lips.

“Hieeee!” Tsuna scrambled back in surprise before Gokudera could touch his mouth.

Gokudera followed, catching him by the shoulders before he could fall back on the bed. He didn’t make a move to kiss Tsuna again, which was the only thing that kept Tsuna relatively calm.

“Am I doing something wrong?”

“This isn’t how friends normally act, is it? It’s not-”

“I know it’s not the correct way to approach someone as important as you, Juudaimei. I only hoped, when you asked me to think of what was important outside of the mafia. . .”

“What, so if you didn’t think I was your boss-”

“I would have already made myself clear.” Something about the way Gokudera said it made Tsuna suspect Gokudera would have been even more forceful about it otherwise.

“You’ve already made yourself clear!”

Tsuna clenched both hands at his sides, wincing at the thought of just how clear. The way Gokudera treated him as a future Vongolla boss mingled with this new knowledge. The way Gokudera would get so jealous of his attention, the way his protection always bordered on physical contact, the way his eyes seemed to follow Tsuna endlessly. It hadn’t made him uncomfortable before, but now he would always be aware of it.

Gokudera was blushing, which struck Tsuna as unfair. _He_ was the one who was embarrassed. Tsuna felt he should have been glad to be on the same track as Gokudera at last, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to understand his friend well enough to realize something like this.

To pretend none of this was happening. . . as much practice as Tsuna had been getting in selective denial, he wasn’t sure he could do it. He wanted to forget all about it, but just looking at Gokudera now made him think of kissing.

“Juudaimei!” Gokudera’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, and he rubbed at them with the back of his hand. “Even though you knew everything, to allow me to stay by your side. Juudaimei is so kind, so patient, anyone would fall in love with you!”

Tsuna closed his eyes tight. He had a feeling what was coming, and he was afraid to watch Gokudera’s face in the moment before they touched. Even knowing that he should have the option of refusing, and that Gokudera would have to listen if he said it, he didn’t say ‘no’ to the touch he was sure was coming. He felt himself anticipating it. He expected Gokudera to kiss him now.

“I’m not worthy!”

Tsuna opened his eyes just in time to see Gokudera bolt out the door. He was stunned for a second at the abrupt exit. The front door slammed downstairs, and Gokudera was gone.

“You forgot your shirt,” Tsuna pointed out, to no one.

Gokudera was gone, just like that. Tsuna stared at the crumpled shirt he had left on the floor, caught in a moment of vague disappointment. Would Gokudera come back for his shirt? Would he come back for Tsuna?

Having Gokudera run out on him just when he had resigned himself to expecting a kiss seemed to put Tsuna’s brain into some kind of lag. He didn’t remember until after he had gone downstairs that Reborn had threatened to eat his breakfast. He didn’t remember until after he had arrived at school that he hadn’t finished the homework Gokudera had been trying to help him with the night before.

He didn’t realize until he’d been carrying Gokudera’s discarded shirt around in his bag for half the day that Gokudera wasn’t coming to class. Tsuna couldn’t stop expecting Gokudera to just appear, couldn’t stop wondering how he should react when he saw his friend again.

The strength of Tsuna’s denial was running out. Until he saw Gokudera again nothing could be resolved, and Tsuna didn’t have the will to pretend otherwise.


End file.
